Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
