Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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