Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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