My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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