No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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