i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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