i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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