I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
