What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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