He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
