So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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