Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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