Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
