I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
