but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
