explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
