at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
