Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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