The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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