Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
