remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
