i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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