Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
