i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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