Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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