all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I stole a fireplace last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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