The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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