reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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