i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
