Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
