If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think my mom watched the whole time
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want nice things and good sex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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