Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it hurts more in the daytime
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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