I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
