end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
