He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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