just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
