youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
