So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just high enough for therapy.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
