okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
