yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
