you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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