just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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