me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize