just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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