I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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