Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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