i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
