Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
