Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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