you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
