sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
