I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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