if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
